Realizations
by xtapx
Summary: She knows that this is not how she planned her life to be. But just the fact that it is happening makes it all the more special. Leah throughout the years. Leah/Sam. Ends with Leah/Embry. ONE-SHOT.


Disclaimer: I do not own anything you recognize. All of these characters belong to S. Meyer of course.

A/N: For the record I have no idea where this came from.

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Leah is ten when she first realizes the Sam Uley is special to her. She knows that he isn't special in the same way that Seth is, because Seth is still too small to do anything but follow her around and ask to hold her hand when they walk to the Black's house so she can play with Rachel and Rebecca, and Seth can play with Jacob.

She remembers seeing smiling at her waving and walking back to his house, it isn't until years later that she realizes that the thumping in her chest was her heart skipping a beat at the sight of him.

She's fourteen, almost fifteen mind you, when Sam Uley shows up outside her front door holding wild flowers asking sweetly if she would be his girlfriend. She remembers the red in his face and the stuttering of his voice as her utters out _"girlfriend._"

She hears her mother swoon in the background, and her father laugh at the sheer fact that little Sam Uley is trying to tame his free spirited daughter. But she doesn't hear any of it, all her attention is focused on the boy in front of her, and it was in that moment that Leah Clearwater first lost her heart.

Leah is seventeen when she gives herself to Sam. She remembers being so nervous and unsure about things. She remembers worrying that she wouldn't be enough for Sam, and hoping that it didn't hurt as much as much as all the books and other girls say it does. But all of those thoughts and fears go away when Sam kisses her and whispers that he loves her and will wait as long as she wants. It's with those words that she gives Sam Uley everything she can, her heart, her soul, and her body.

She's eighteen when Sam gives her heart back in what feels like a million pieces, she remembers it like it was yesterday, Sam sitting across from her with his short hair and stern look, she remembers wondering who this man in front of her was, because there is no way that Sam, her Sam would be saying these things to her. The only words Sam should be saying is "sorry" and "always" and "love" and "forever" but it isn't until she's laying in her bed hugging herself that she realizes that he had been saying all of those words, they just weren't the way she had said them to him.

She's nineteen when her world is turned upside down. When her best friend, her cousin, her sister is the one panning her own wedding to Sam Uley. She wears a forced smile and pretends to be happy, while wondering how they could actually do this to her?

It's that same year her father suffers a massive heart attack while kissing her goodnight. She remembers lying on the couch with her head in her mother's lap, across from Seth, she remembers wondering how was it that he looked so tiny last week but somehow he was bigger than their father this week.

She remembers hearing thumping sounds in overdrive and her father's hitched breath, as her mother scream, "Harry!" And Seth runs to call 911.

She remembers not being able to move, to do anything because she was so weak, and so exguasted, but she remembers feeling the wetness in her eyes and wondering why she wasn't crying. It isn't until years later that she realizes that the reason she wasn't crying wasn't because she was a cold unfeeling bitch, but because her body wouldn't let her. She could only tear up and blink tears, but they wouldn't fall because of her new body temperature.

She remembers being at the hospital, sitting in the waiting room with Seth's arms wrapped around her. She would laugh at the thought because it wasn't that long ago that their roles were reversed and she was the one protecting Seth. She doesn't like to think about what happened next, but she sees it all the time in her dreams, the doctors come out and whisper to her mother that they did everything that they could, and they were very sorry. She hears everything they say, and pushes Seth off of her. She doesn't realize that at least a handful of people in that room have heard everything the doctor has said as well.

It's at that moment that her world really changes forever, because she is angry. She's angrier than she ever remembers. She's angry at the world for taking her father away from her, and she's angry that Emily is crying and its Sam's arms that are wrapped around her. She remembers being disgusted at the sight of her cousin and ex that although she is so weak, she would rather stumble somewhere else than be a room with them.

She doesn't know where she is going but somehow she ends up outside. The March weather should be making her shiver but to her it feels like the summer. That's when she hears him. She can smell him before he's anywhere near her, she doesn't know what's going on, she remembers blaming it on the shock, and the fever. But Sam is calling out to her and it takes everything in her not to run to him and breakdown. That's the first time a sneer is present on her face.

It's the first time that the two of them have been alone since he stomped on her heart and she's angrier than she ever imagined. Angry at the sight of him, and the words that he is saying. "Come inside, your mom is looking for you." He says it with such care that even she is fooled with the fact that he might actually care. But it backfires in her head because how dare he even be here. How dare he pretend to care when it's been proven over and over again that he really doesn't!

She doesn't see the shock in Sam's eyes or the understanding that washes over his face. But soon Sam is pulling her away from the hospital and into the woods. She's trying to fight against him, but he's stronger than she is, and soon she's on his shoulder struggling to get out of his grasps, when she finally realizes that she can't, she does what she'll be known for, for the first time. She says hateful spiteful things, just so he would get his hands off of her. Because she doesn't want him touching her.

He's in what will later be known as "Alpha Mode" and although Leah is saying hateful things that would make even Gandhi flinch, Sam is the epitome of cool. That is until they're far enough into the forest that no one can hear her screaming at him anymore. She doesn't know how it happens, but the next thing she knows is she's on all fours looking up at a black wolf that is the size of a horse. She isn't afraid though. She remembers staring at it and thinking, "well this is it." She hears Sam's voice in her head telling her that everything is going to be okay. She remembers thinking that of course Sam's voice would be the last one she heard.

Then she realizes that it's actually Sam that she's hearing and whirls around to find no one but the black wolf in front of her. It takes her a minute but she realizes that she's covered in fur, and standing on four legs.

Its then that Sam explains everything to her. He tells her about the "Cullen's", then about the red headed vampire, and about Bella Swan. Her head whirls and she understands things before Sam can even say them. She remembers their tribe's legends, and understands why they're wolves. She gets to the subject of imprinting before Sam can and images of things she's seen before come to her mind, only she's not seeing them from her point of view because she's looking at herself, and she's saying words like "love" and "forever". She realizes that these aren't her memories, but Sam's.

Sam doesn't say anything to her, but it isn't until years later that she finds out that it was because he hated himself for doing this to her. She doesn't need any more flashes of Emily, or any of her to know that she wants out. She wants to get away, away from Sam and away from everything. She can't though. It takes her two days to change back into her human form, not for lack of trying, but just because she is still so angry, and every time she gets close to calming down images of Sam and Emily or even her father pop into her head and she's growling at the ground.

Leah is twenty when she decides to take life into her own hands. She is tired of waiting for the bottom to come out, and her world to be turned upside down again. She leaves Sam, and goes after Jacob and her stupid little brother who thinks he's grown up enough to make his own choices. She hates the fact that she is some sort of lap dog for the leeches, but she would take this over having to hear Sam's thoughts ever again.

It's that same year that things are finally put back in place. It's after they learn that they might only have a few months to live that Sam comes knocking on her door early one morning during December. He smiles slightly at her, and asks if they can go for a walk. For some reason unknown to her she agrees. They go to the cliffs that over look the beach, not the ones that anyone would use to cliff dive, but ones that no one put then know about it. He sits across from her as they stare into the vastness that is the Pacific Ocean.

They don't speak, but something about the quietness is calming to Leah. She knows that there is a good chance that in the couple of weeks she could be dead, along with everyone she's grown up with. But somewhere deep down inside she knows that she isn't scared because she'll get to see her father again and something about that is exciting.

"I want you to consider protecting the Rez when the bloodsuckers come." Sam says surprising Leah. This isn't the first time he's said these words to her, but this is the first time that she can hear the pleading in his voice.

Even after all these years there is that part of her that wants to do anything he asks her to do, but like the many times before she won't.

"No Sam." She tells him sternly. "I won't sit at home while everyone _dies._"

"I don't want to watch you die." He whispers, and Leah knows what he actually means.

She wants to tell him that she won't die, but she can't say that because she doesn't know what's going to happen, even the fortune-telling bloodsucker can't see what's going to happen. Instead she sits with Sam and they talk about life and things that used to hurt but now she could care less about because having a deadline on your life puts things in perspective. They don't leave that spot till the sun has completely set, and it's only then when Sam grabs a hold of her hand and they walk back to the real world that Leah realizes that maybe it isn't so bad having him in her life.

Leah is twenty-two when the unexpected happens. Her brother comes home smiling gleefully with pure adoration all over his face and she knows that it's happened to him as well. He _imprinted._ She finds solstice in the last place possible and with the last people she would have ever wanted to spill her guts to. She's sitting in the bloodsuckers living room with _Rosalie_ and _Jasper_, her eyes are puffy and she doesn't know what is going on in her head, but somehow just sitting there with them makes everything better, she realizes that it's because Jasper was doing the one thing that she always told him not to do, mess with her emotions, but this time she doesn't mind. She blames Jacob for this, because it's his entire fault, he's the one who imprinted on a half bloodsucker, and his insistent pestering, and pushing has finally gotten her to do the unthinkable; befriending not one bloodsucker, but two. She comes home to a solemn Seth who just hugs her and tells her that he will never leave her, and she believes him.

She's twenty-four when Emily announces that she is pregnant. Leah disappears for four days. One day for every year since she found out she would never be a mother. No one goes out searching for her. She says that in the note she leaves behind, that she just wants to be left alone, and the boys understand. They're not happy about it, but they all understand. When she comes back there is a new aura around her. Everyone knows she is hurting, but the difference between now and then, is that this time Leah isn't lashing out against anyone. It doesn't come as a shock to her when Emily asks her to be the baby's godmother. She smiles politely, but declines. Even after all this time she can't wish that their roles were reversed, and Leah would never want to feel bitter towards the unborn child who has done nothing wrong but been brought.

When she is twenty-five Embry Call comes pounding on her door on February 14th and tells her to get her ass in the shower and to go and put on a dress because he's taking her out and she can't worm her way out of not going. She's unsure of what just happened, but somewhere deep down inside she's as giddy as a school girl, and she hasn't felt this way since Sam.

Embry doesn't bring her flowers, he brings her a flower, a single white rose, and he blushes as he hands it to her. She has flashbacks to being fourteen and standing in this exact doorway with another handsome shy boy handing her flowers asking her to be his girlfriend. It's not that way with his man in front of her. She's ten years older and ten years smarter than she once was, and she knows that the man standing in front of her could very well break her heart way worse than Sam Uley ever could.

But it's something about the way that he's looking at her that makes her reach out and grab his hand and intertwine their fingers. She knows that he's startled at the gesture but something about the way he smiles eases the butterflies in her stomach. She's not really sure what she's doing but for reason here she is with someone who has seen her at her best and at her worst.

That night he kisses her, its soft and rushed, and he's blushing heavily, but for the first time in god knows how long, she feels beautiful and wanted.

When Leah turns twenty-six she realizes she's in love with Embry. It takes her a better part of a year to realize this, it's mostly due to her stubbornness. If she just let herself feel, she would have realized that she fell in love with him a long time ago. She spends most of the year ignoring the fact that he loves her too. He after all was the first one to say it to her, and after much teasing from Rosalie, she finally admitted that maybe, just _maybe_, she might actually feel something other than loathing for him.

Although it takes her another year to say it to him, something about the way he beams makes he realize that he's known it all along.

Leah is twenty-eight when she makes the choice to stop phasing. She's been a protector of La Push for almost a decade, and she's decided to take her life into her own hands.

When she turns twenty-nine she knows that she will never turn into a wolf again. She can't help the fleeting feeling in her chest that aches for the feel of the Earth beneath her paws, and the wind gushing around her.

That night she finds herself standing in front of the Uley home, it doesn't make her nausea. But it does make her nostalgic. She remembers her little ten year old self, watching Sam as he waved to her and Seth.

It's Sam's voice that startles her. She isn't used to not being able to hear him before he makes himself known. They smile and chat for a bit, and as she walks away she turns to look at Sam who is smiling and waving to her as he walks back into his mother's home. She waits, and waits for the thumping in her heart, or the hitch in her breath that screams Sam. She is a little disappointed when nothing comes, and all she does is smile one last time at him and walk back to her own home.

Leah is thirty when she does the unimaginable. She gets married. She marries Embry on a cool autumn afternoon. Her family and friends smile as she walks down the aisle, and her breath hitches as Embry comes into view.

For some reason she glances a look at Sam as she makes her way to the front. She can see the strained smile, and a part of her wants to reach out to him, but today is her day and she focuses on that because Sam Uley is a distant memory, and Embry Call is her future.

She knows that this is not how she planned her life to be. But just the fact that it is happening makes it all the more special. When they are husband and wife, she doesn't think she could be any happier, she's wrong of course, because two years later she's grinning just as broadly as her first child is born.

As the years go back, and she turns grey, she knows that if she had the choice she wouldn't wish her life on anyone, but she knows that during her life she's been shit on multiple times, but she realizes now that it's almost over that she wouldn't trade a single moment of it.


End file.
